{"id":12955,"date":"2020-10-26T19:39:39","date_gmt":"2020-10-26T19:39:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.livingbyyourdesigninc.com\/?p=12955"},"modified":"2021-11-04T00:23:09","modified_gmt":"2021-11-04T00:23:09","slug":"love-languages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.livingbyyourdesigninc.com\/index.php\/2020\/10\/26\/love-languages\/","title":{"rendered":"Saying \u201cI Love You\u201d?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Remember telling dad: \u201cI love you\u201d and the response was \u201cyeah\u201d?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Yet he would be the first to want to go fishing with you!<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>People show their love differently, especially as they age, and may become frustrated by physical or mental limitations. So children may step up to help fill a role as caregivers resulting in an outright role reversal of parent and child. Parents dependent upon their children may cause parents to be embarrassed, frustrated, depressed, and\/or feel a loss of pride.<br \/>\nAdult children may resent having to take on full-time or part-time caregiving, which pays nothing but is as strenuous as any day job one could imagine.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Many of these adult children have families of their own that stretch their time, stamina, money, and emotions.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Many grown children feel a profound sense of loss as they witness the deterioration of a once robust, vibrant parent who embodied the essence of strength, safety, wisdom, and comfort in their young minds.<br \/>\nClearly, the role reversal that comes with aging and caregiving strains the parent-child relationship and puts it on difficult and unfamiliar turf. Because the relationship between you and your parent has changed dramatically, you may need to explore new ways of expressing love and receiving love that is appropriate to you and your parent\u2019s current position and transform roles<br \/>\nIn his 1995 book, \u201cThe Five Languages of Love\u201d psychologist Dr. <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Gary_Chapman_(author)\">Gary Chapman<\/a>, proposed that each person has a primary way of giving and receiving love, called a \u201cLove Language\u201d.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>According to Dr. Chapman, people usually employ the same Love Language both the giving and receiving modes. \u00a0In the realm of aging and caregiving, Dr. Chapman\u2019s theory provides a framework for understanding our aging parents\u2019 behavior and motivations, and our relationships with them, even in circumstances that are very trying.<br \/>\n<b>What Love Language Does Your Parent Speak?<\/b><br \/>\nTo get a sense of your parent\u2019s innate Love Language, think back to your childhood and how your parent expressed love to you and other close family members. Did your dad love to take you on fishing trips but have a hard time saying the words, \u201cI love you.\u201d If so, your father might speak the Love Language of Quality Time.<br \/>\nDid your mother insist on giving you a hug and kiss every time you stepped out the door, even if you were only going to play with the kid who lives next door? Your mother might be a speaker of the Love Language of Physical Touch.<br \/>\nOf course, no one speaks exclusively one Love Language, we all speak a bit of each, but Dr. Chapman believes that people have one dominant Love Language. \u00a0He says, \u201cWhile each of these languages is enjoyed to some degree by all people, a person will usually gravitate strongly towards one. Below are Dr. Chapman\u2019s Five Love Languages with remarks about their relevance to caregivers.<br \/>\n<b>1. Words of Affirmation<\/b><br \/>\nSome elderly parents need to hear their family caregivers say, \u201cI love you,\u201d and other verbal reassurances of approval and affirmation. They crave these words like a decadent dessert. For seniors who favor receiving love verbally, it\u2019s not enough for your affection to be implied through general friendliness, gift-giving, or even hugging and hand-holding.<br \/>\n<b>2. Quality Time<\/b><br \/>\nParents whose favored mode of receiving love is quality time will appreciate moments when they have your undivided attention when you are together enjoying each other\u2019s company without distractions. If this is important to your parent, set aside time each week to just be with your parent, and don\u2019t look at it as caregiving. Turn off your smartphone, get rid of distractions like the TV and side conversations, and get together with your parent in the sitting room or over the dinner table for one-on-one time.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><br \/>\n<b>3. Giving and Receiving Gifts<\/b><br \/>\nIf your mother loved sharing flowers from her rose garden with everyone she visited or if your father steadfastly mailed newspaper articles he thought you might find interesting, your parent might be a speaker of the Love Language of Gifts.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>So, surprise your loved ones with an unexpected gift or card periodically to remind them of your love.<br \/>\n<b>4. Acts of Service<\/b><br \/>\nActs of Service is a Love Language commonly associated with men. The stereotype is the man who does handy work around the house as a way of showing love for his lady-friend. Of the five Love Languages described by Dr, Chapman, this one should come most naturally to the caregiver.\u00a0 As any caregiver will tell you, caregiving for a parent is a near-continuous <i>act of service<\/i>. Parents who speak this Love Language will interpret your dedication and assistance as acts of love and are likely to be especially appreciative of your help.<br \/>\n<b>5. Physical Touch<\/b><br \/>\nFor many people, there is no love or affection without touch. If your parent is the touchy type, he or she will feel loved, comforted, \u00a0and calmed when you make it a habit to hug your parent regularly, pat your parent on the back, or hold hands.<br \/>\n<i>What love language do you speak? How about your parent?<\/i><br \/>\n<b>For more information, contact Living By Your Design, Inc., focusing on the issues of Older Americans:<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>legal, financial, free guidance for residential placement, and healthcare issues.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Call:<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>309-285-8088.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Website:<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span><\/b><a href=\"http:\/\/www.LivingByYourDesignInc.com\"><b>www.LivingByYourDesignInc.com<\/b><\/a><b>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Location:<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>809 W. Detweiller Dr., Peoria, IL 61615.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/b><br \/>\nCheck out more of our articles in the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.healthycellsmagazine.com\/greater-peoria-metro-area-il\">Healthy Cells Greater Peoria Metro Area online issue<\/a> today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Remember telling dad: \u201cI love you\u201d and the response was \u201cyeah\u201d?\u00a0 Yet he would be the first to want to go fishing with you!\u00a0 People show their love differently, especially as they age, and may become frustrated by physical or mental limitations. So children may step up to help fill a role as caregivers resulting [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":17624,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[130],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12955","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-care"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Love Language and Saying I Love You - Living By Your Design, Inc<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Each person has a primary way of giving and receiving love, called a \u201cLove Language\u201d. 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